Experts Warn Maine Is Most Susceptible to Rising Massachusetts Levels

Augusta —¬†Alarming new data shows Maine is in greater danger than previously believed from the threat of rising Massachusetts levels.

Speaking to a packed conventional hall, Dr. Alex Best said we need to take immediate action now or face “the very real possibility of Maine disappearing into Massachusetts forever.”

Citing new evidence showing a sharp increase in the number of art galleries and coffee shops in Maine’s former working class communities, Best did not mince words delivering the news of his team’s conclusions.

“If we continue along this path, Maine will become entirely insufferable as far north as Presque Isle,” he warned.

“The old mills your grandfather worked at, the same ones he was laid off from, that you threw rocks at to try to break windows. Those will be condominiums. Fusion restaurants. Microbreweries,” he told the audience of stunned attendees.

While the data clearly points to increased Massachusetts levels, Best said Connecticut and New York levels are also putting pressure on Maine’s delicate ecosystems.

As for a solution, Best admitted he didn’t have one yet, but said his team was working on one.

“In the past, Mainers have taken a passive-aggressive stance and complained aimlessly,” he said. “Going forward, we need to be more passive-aggressive, and complain even more.”

Author: Seth G. Macy

Real American.

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