Red’s Eats Adds New Location in North Bound Lane of I-295

Yarmouth — Famous midcoast eatery Red’s Eats is expanding, adding a second location built in the middle of both lanes of I-295 just outside of Yarmouth.

“This is something we’ve been dreaming of for years,” said Red’s co-owner Debbie Cronk. “The ability to further inconvenience north and east bound travelers has been a goal of ours for a long time.”

The popular seasonal eatery is known for its long lines of tourists, anxious to try out Red’s famous lobster rolls for themselves.

“We couldn’t be happier to slow down a whole new group of thousands of people,” Cronk said.

It didn’t take too long for traffic to back up for miles on the busy interstate highway, something people traveling on Route 1 have become accustomed to.

“All those idling cars, moving at a snails pace, it really brings a smile to my face,” Cronk told us.

The new location offers the same rolls made from absolutely ordinary lobster meat, served on a cheap hot dog bun.

“As long as people don’t figure out there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of other places in Maine to get a better lobster roll, we should be slowing travel to a stand-still for years to come,” an optimistic Cronk said with a smile.


Author: Seth G. Macy

Real American.

13 thoughts on “Red’s Eats Adds New Location in North Bound Lane of I-295”

  1. It’s satire folks, lighten up. And surely we don’t need to use foul language in the comments. There are so many other words to choose from.


  2. I love this new site! And the fact that Red’s is featured! I grew up in Wiscasset … working there was like a right of passage! Thanks for the comedy and fun … perfect for a Friday!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When they put in the stop light I changed my mind and bought something in Wiscasset. Took to enjoying fish chowder across the street…G


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