Portland — A red-faced Ethan Strimling is facing an angry city this morning after shouting “New York City” during the throes of passion last night.
Embarrassed and sweating, Strimling held a press conference discussing the incident, saying he was deeply sorry and saddened by the damage he may have caused.
“Yes, I called out the name of another city, but that doesn’t mean I love Portland any less,” he said.
Portland was unavailable for comment, having spent the night at its mother’s apartment in Windham. A spokesperson for the city said it “just needed some time.”
Strimling attempted to explain the gaffe by saying he wasn’t actually thinking of New York City during the love-making session.
“I was instead thinking of the New York City mayorship,” Strimling said. “Bill de Blasio can impose whatever crazy ideas he has on the people of New York, and no one gets in his way.”
“To me, that raw, unchecked power is a huge turn-on,” he said, fanning himself in front of the gathered members of the local press.