New Maine News

Maine Panel Questions Whether Self-Driving Cars Will be Able to Lay Positraction Rubbermarks

Augusta — A committee of concerned scientists, engineers, and law makers is looking to the future of transportation and asking if automated cars will still be able to put on a killer smoke show.

“We’re extremely concerned this question isn’t being asked,” committee spokesperson Jacob Hildreth said.

“While autonomous automobiles could lead to a drastic drop in drunk driving, what’s even the point of being half-tight if you can’t wind her up and dump her?” he asked.

“It’s the belief of this committee that so-called self-driving cars will be all but useless to the people of Maine if we can’t lay some wicked j-strips.”

“And they gotta be posi, guy,” added committee member Kyle Grossman of Thomaston.

The formal suggestions brought forth by the committee include ensuring self-driving cars are able to safely navigate Maine’s narrow roads, have provisions in place to detect and protect passengers from wildlife, and “fucking peel it like a champ.”

“We hope automobile manufacturers are working to guarantee we can still put these cars right sideways, bub,” Hildreth said.