Belfast Plans to End Poverty by Making Being Poor Illegal

Belfast — In a first-of-its-kind move for Maine, Belfast has a concrete plan to eliminate poverty.

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“We have seen first-hand the damage poverty can wreak on the people of our small city,” said one City Councilor.

“Poverty is an evil that must be eradicated, and we’re the only town in Maine brave enough to attack it head-on by outlawing being poor.”

Anyone caught being poor within the city limits will be asked to leave immediately. Refusal to leave could lead to harsher penalties, beginning with tongue-clucking and going all the way up to open-contempt.

“Let’s face it, the poor are noble, hard-working and downtrodden, but they also drive their loud trucks through town and shop at places like Walmart,” the official said.

“We can’t have people suffering like that. Not when there are so many yachts coming into the boatyards.”

The plan was originally set into motion when Belfast enacted a complete ban on plastic bags.

“We hoped the added burden of buying canvas totes would help nudge people in the right direction,” the city councilor told us.

 

 

19 thoughts on “Belfast Plans to End Poverty by Making Being Poor Illegal”

  1. As far as i know, trump hasn’t stopped by to visit Maine any time in recent history… though his stupid brother IS in Augusta….
    sooo i’m assuming this is intended to be satire ?
    still can’t figure out who raised the taxes in the town though :/

      1. he was here twice last year – He’s a little busy this year,, what the libTurds and GOPe and New World Order all trying to take him – and U.S. down =

  2. Your kidding, right??
    Is this a joke???
    Who in God’s name is anyone to judge on the poor. This is disgusting.

    1. Please tell me this is a joke? And what does President Trump and Governor Lepage have to do with this? Why does belfast have to pioneer every stupid idea that comes down the pike?

    2. Take a deep breath – Look up the word ‘satire’, dear – and then maybe a good shot of something.

  3. All I can say, these men and women whom you want to call poor, pays your wages, not those who have yacht.

  4. This bull#&!: is ridiculous I’ve never that ever judged anyone or anything is this what the new comRhonda ing generation is all it is to be or what don’t #:: judge anybody! !!# I feel freedom right around the corner!!

  5. I think they better give us all better paying jobs if they want to end proverty cause thats the only way maybe. I livrd here all my life grew up in proverty and still live it today and i work all the time so what the HELL

    1. You think they’d “better” give you better paying jobs? Ever hear of doing whatever job the best way you can – and then improve on that ? It’s leads to better pay/promotions – and/or learning new skills that WILL pay better. Wages arn’t supposed to go up just because you breathe. (And don’t think I’m ‘rich’ and don’t understand. I raised 5 kids as a single parent…worked my head off. But I got better pay by earning and learning…never expected wages to go up on a job just because I wanted them too. That’s what the politicians do – vote in their own wages.

  6. Maine itself is poor do to the running of it by liberals for thirty years. The taxes keep going up because liberals can’t control their spending. Now this city councilman wants to make it illegal to be poor!!!! Obviously she was not raised in maine…… anyone know where she is from? My guess is that she isn’t from Maine. Stop voting in officials that are from other states. All they want to do is make it like the state they came from. Big majority of the people are below poverty level…..

  7. Can’t decide what’s funnier… the satirical article… or the people commenting who believe it to be real… yikes!

  8. Maines poor, apparently also ignorant …….testing….. can anybody out there read this? Why so serious, or is thos joke to advanced for the 7th generation of inbred offspring… and to think we used to make fun of the deep south about its gene pool shortage

  9. Hello, heart town. How I do miss Thee. The good news is that poverty level will slowly rise, until all the crappy little yachts will have to get the heck out of town, and I will FINALLY be able to find parking room for mine. I will be back.

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