New Maine News

Belfast Plans to End Poverty by Making Being Poor Illegal

Belfast — In a first-of-its-kind move for Maine, Belfast has a concrete plan to eliminate poverty.

“We have seen first-hand the damage poverty can wreak on the people of our small city,” said one City Councilor.

“Poverty is an evil that must be eradicated, and we’re the only town in Maine brave enough to attack it head-on by outlawing being poor.”

Anyone caught being poor within the city limits will be asked to leave immediately. Refusal to leave could lead to harsher penalties, beginning with tongue-clucking and going all the way up to open-contempt.

“Let’s face it, the poor are noble, hard-working and downtrodden, but they also drive their loud trucks through town and shop at places like Walmart,” the official said.

“We can’t have people suffering like that. Not when there are so many yachts coming into the boatyards.”

The plan was originally set into motion when Belfast enacted a complete ban on plastic bags.

“We hoped the added burden of buying canvas totes would help nudge people in the right direction,” the city councilor told us.