Washington, D.C. — Maine Senator Angus King is currently undergoing observation by the Attending Physician of the United States Congress after his dollar-sign eyes failed to return to normal.
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King, who ranks 4th among defense industry money recipients in the Senate, spent the morning discussing official government business with contractors from Lockheed Martin.
King’s doctor seemed unconcerned, saying the reaction is normal and nothing to worry about.
“We see Senators coming from meetings with lobbyists with dollar signs for eyes all the time,” one physician told us.
However, doctors warn sometimes the dollar-signs are accompanied by more serious concerns.
For instance, after King first met with defense industry representatives in 2013, he had to spend nearly a week in recovery.
“Senator King had unfortunately turned into a wolf whose eyes bulged out of his head at the sight of all that money,” the doctor told us.
To compound matters, in his excitement King had taken off his shoe and slammed himself over the head with it several times while howling.