Retail Pot Law Gives Priority to Applicants Who Already Own Pet Lizards

Augusta– Lawmakers introduced a new attempt at hammering out Maine’s retail marijuana regulations. Among the new proposals is a section giving people who own reptiles a leg-up in the licensing process.

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“Any license applicant who has a reptile, including but not limited to: iguana, boa constrictors, frilled dragons, et al., will get priority over non-reptile owners,” the law reads.

The impetus for the new licensing allowance in the proposal is to give pot dealers who may have previously worked outside the law a way to smoothly transition into retail sales.

“No one with a 55-gallon tank and an iguana basking on a heat rock doesn’t already deal weed,” lawmakers said, “so this helps the local guy compete against out of state interests.”

As to worries new license seekers will simply acquire a lizard before the law goes into effect, the state already has a system in place.

“If we come to your house to do a pre-inspection and you have a nice tank and your lizard looks content, we know you just got it,” a representative told us.

“If there’s like, a whole wall of your apartment just dedicated to caged lizards, we know you’re legit. It’s cool.”

Priority will also be given to white people with dreads, and people with neck tattoos.

4 thoughts on “Retail Pot Law Gives Priority to Applicants Who Already Own Pet Lizards”

  1. I can get a Salamander for you if you’d like!! Is this a joke? Stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, especially from so called politicians!!

  2. “Priority will also be given to white people with dreads, and people with neck tattoos.” Cool! How about people with nutty nicknames who collect salamanders!?

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