Weird: This Guy Rides a Bike to Work Even Though He’s Never Had an O.U.I.

South Berwick — One local resident has neighbors scratching their heads after it was discovered he rides a bike to work by choice, and not because he lost his license.

Continue reading “Weird: This Guy Rides a Bike to Work Even Though He’s Never Had an O.U.I.”

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Governor LePage Pulls Car Into McDonald’s After Family Tells Him They Want Burger King

Kennebunkport — Governor Paul LePage, on a road trip out of state with his family, ignored their request to eat at the Burger King along the turnpike. The governor instead took an exit to find a McDonald’s.

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Over 80% of Maine Fathers’ Affection Is Directed at Their Wood Piles

Orono — A new study commissioned by the University of Maine shows fathers overwhelmingly shower their wood piles with praise and admiration.

Continue reading “Over 80% of Maine Fathers’ Affection Is Directed at Their Wood Piles”

Embarrassed Angus King Can’t Turn Eyes Back From Dollar Signs After Meeting With Defense Contractors

Washington, D.C. — Maine Senator Angus King is currently undergoing observation by the Attending Physician of the United States Congress after his dollar-sign eyes failed to return to normal.

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Report: Danny’s Brother Got Him a Half-Gallon of Allen’s for the Party

East Machias — Danny Beal’s brother Eric got him a half-gallon of Allen’s Coffee Brandy for the party this weekend, according to sources familiar with the matter.

Continue reading “Report: Danny’s Brother Got Him a Half-Gallon of Allen’s for the Party”