Climate Scientists Blame Warm Winter on Rangeley Man’s New Snowmobile

Rangeley — Climate scientists concluded the lack of snow and higher-than-average temperatures are because Thomas Burgess went out and got himself a new sled.

“Figures as much,” Burgess said of the news. The snowmobile, purchased from an ad in Uncle Henry’s, is “newsed,” Burgess told us.

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“Not brand new but close enough. Was hoping to be ripping up the trails something else about now but Jesus,” he said.

Scientists say buying a snowmobile or a snow blower is one of the largest contributing factors to climate change, with one researcher saying it “almost guarantees” a late or unusually light snowfall.

Burgess knew the risk when he drove to pick up the snowmobile, a 2013 Arctic Cat F 800 Sno Pro.

“The whole time we was driving to Eustis I kept telling my buddy ‘Probably I’ll get this and it won’t even snow until February,'” Burgess told us.

While December is generally the month with the most average snowfall for Rangeley, Burgess claims to remember years past when there was plenty of snow by now.

“When I was a kid I definitely remember them canceling school in September and we went and just blasted the trails all goddamn day,” he said. We have been unable to confirm the details of this claim.

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4 thoughts on “Climate Scientists Blame Warm Winter on Rangeley Man’s New Snowmobile”

  1. Remember, you don’t register your new snowsled until you get your income tax refund or until they start grooming the trails, whichever comes first!

  2. Sour grapes, I say. My nephew’s uncle’s son’s father got a way better deal on that sled up in Skowtown last spring.

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