Physicists Discover a Evidence of Third Maine

University of Maine — A stunning breakthrough by UMaine physicists revealed evidence pointing to a new, third Maine previously unknown to science.

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Scientists have long known about the Two Maines, a theory passed into the generally accepted tenets of modern Maine sciences. But discovering a third Maine is something no one expected.

“It’s shocking,” lead physicist Dr. Alison Honeywell said.

“There’s nothing in the models, the mathematics, to support the idea of a third Maine, but here we are,” she said.

The two Maines known to science are clearly defined. One Maine is curled-brim Mossy Oak baseball hats and baked bean suppers, while the other is puffy vests and artisanal pork bellies served on LL Bean stoneware.

The third Maine, from what scientists are able to understand, is neither a middle-ground nor is it a new extreme.

Geographically there’s no one area where the third Maine is most likely found.

“There’s evidence everywhere,” Dr. Honeywell said. “From the coast to the county, the third Maine knows no bounds.”

“Basically it’s just… there. Accents are both strong and weak, grumbling is greatly reduced, and there aren’t any defining automobiles like pickup trucks or hybrids, as in the other two Maines.”

One thing physicists know for certain is the third Maine has a clear similarity to the other two Maines: “third Maine definitely thinks it’s the best Maine.”

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3 thoughts on “Physicists Discover a Evidence of Third Maine”

  1. As E*D*I*T*O*R I*N C*H*I*E*F of the Lewiston Daily Gastroenteritis & Haematoma Gazetteer (motto: all the news that fits), I just wanted to congratulate you on your excellent publication. Those of us in the newspaper business (motto: we may be inaccurate but at least we’re sloppy) are always delighted to encourage the competition…well, maybe not ‘encourage’ exactly but at least acknowledge your existence – short-lived though it may be, God forbid, of course. In the spirit of the Christmas season I say: “Mazel Tov!”
    Your fellow E*D*I*T*O*R I*N C*H*I*E*F
    J. Plimpton Tweedle (motto: I may be old but at least I’m poor)

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