Maine Magazine Columnist Struggles to Find Perfect, Patronizing Way to Describe Small Town

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Portland — After spending 48 hours in a small, coastal community, writer Thomas Snead is at a loss to find the exact words to encompass his preconceived notion of what the town should be.

Snead visited the community to sample one of its up-and-coming restaurants, but wants to make sure people reading his column know he briefly acknowledged the people with deep familial roots by reducing them to scenery in his story about the culinary charms of this small town.

“I noticed someone was at the post office,” Snead said, so he wrote the town post office serves not only as a place for packages and letters, but also “a place to discuss the weather, talk about sports, and catch up on the latest gossip.”

“Turns out writers have described where locals hang out as ‘a place to discuss the weather, talk about sports, and catch up on the latest gossip’ thousands of times.”

The difficulty for Snead is coming up with a new and inventive way to acknowledge the existence of the other 99% of people who inhabit the town on which he’s reporting.

“Sometimes we just see three or four people talking at a photographically interesting spot and just call it the ‘local gathering spot.'”

When asked if he’s worried about mislabeling a town and its residents, Snead says he isn’t too concerned.

“Half those people probably can’t even read anyway,” he said.

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6 thoughts on “Maine Magazine Columnist Struggles to Find Perfect, Patronizing Way to Describe Small Town”

  1. Maine Magazine is ANYTHING but accurate. Just a bunch a hipsters in tight jeans standing around ‘goat boy’ playing a mandolin at a wine sipping fundraiser organized by a falcon-faced woman with tall leather boots. Puke me out!

  2. Half can’t read, half convince the others they can read all while playing trivial pursuit and pulling off the best joke ever!!!!

  3. My mother grow up on North Haven. When she married she moved to Chicago. People constantly asking “Where’s North Haven, Maine? People in the cities supposely better schools would always comment on how substandard the education must of been on such a “small remote island”. Mom’s reply, “Well everyone in North Haven knows where Chicago is, but nobody in Chicago knows where North Haven, Maine is”

  4. Maine Magazine’s website says, “We take the time to profile the people of the state who are using their creativity and ingenuity to propel Maine forward.” So then, just call them all propellers!

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