Record Lows Cause Farmington Man to Reconsider Wearing Shorts and Sandals

Farmington — With temperatures plummeting, Tony Bunker is having second thoughts about going out in his usual winter attire of a pair of basketball shorts and sandals.

“Throw on a sweatshirt and a beanie and it’s whatevah,” Bunker told us. “But as cold as it is I almost busted out my sweatpants.”

Maine is in the grips of a brutal cold snap, breaking low-temperature records statewide. Residents of New England have reported many men in their towns have stopped wearing shorts due to the frigid temps.

“Days like this, I might put on some Crocs and a pair of Smart Wool socks I got from mumma couple years back,” Bunker said. He claims Crocs keep his feet warmer than the Adidas sandals he normally wears over socks.

“Plus I got a new set of camo ones for Christmas, they’re killer.”

Experts warn exposed skin is in extreme danger, especially when windchill factors in, but Bunker isn’t concerned.

“I got plenty of fluff,” he said, referring to his ample belly.

With temperatures in the single-digits and lower for the next few days, Bunker said he might have to retire his basketball shorts until mid-January.

“That’s only if I can find my good sweatpants,” he said.

You can support New Maine News for as little as a buck a month. Find out how on the New Maine News Patreon.

New Maine News hats are back!
New Maine News hats are back!

7 thoughts on “Record Lows Cause Farmington Man to Reconsider Wearing Shorts and Sandals”

      1. Too late! I’m now told to check out LLBean.com for Wicked Good Flip-Flops (item# TK290382 on sale for $44.99). Crazy!!

  1. Forget his feet – Tony might just want to consider a warmer hat – to keep his brain warm. Would seem that the circulation up top is slowing down just a tad and either hallucinations are setting in or all by himself he’s discovering an alternate reality. In either case, it’s time to come in from the cold.

  2. I just go with bean boots they are the wintah flip flops who hasn’t snowblower the driveway in bean boots and shorts anyway?

Leave a Reply