Portland — Maine’s largest city couldn’t escape the wrath of yesterday’s winter storm, but thankfully it was able to make it through the ordeal by passing a ban on synthetic pesticides.
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“You wouldn’t see this kind move in other Maine cities,” Mayor Ethan Strimling said in a press release. “Except South Portland, but they overheard us talking about the ban a long time ago and stole our idea, probably.”
The City Council and the Mayor were in rare and total agreement in enacting the ban.
The city’s official policy is to replace synthetic poisons with poisons that are chemically and lethally identical, but more agreeably named. Portland’s pride over the ban helped it float over the rising tides of Casco Bay.
The vote in favor of banning synthetic pesticides came after a one-hour presentation titled ‘Letting Our Bugs Die With Dignity.’
“Natural pesticides are a great way to show the other cities we’re ready to play in the big leagues,” City Councilor Brian Batson said.
“Has San Francisco asked about us? Just wondering if you heard anything.”
While the city council is in agreement about organic pesticides being better than synthetic, it also agreed the high tides and major storm were the product of climate change.
“We all firmly believe in science here,” Batson told us.
Flooding also struck Belfast, but residents were able to survive the deep water thanks to their upturned noses.