Line Between Real and Fake Maine News Increasingly Blurred Says Magic 8-foot Tall Talking Lobster

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Jonesport — According to “Ol’ Nick,” the 8-foot tall flying lobster who wears Ray-ban sunglasses, more and more intentionally fake and satirical news is being taken as fact.

“People see a headline, or a link, and it confirms something they want to believe is true, so they share it as fact,” Ol’ Nick said between bites of rotting halibut.

Nick, who has lived in Maine since a wizard cursed him with both the capacity for intelligence, and immortality, in 1605, doesn’t see things changing anytime soon.

“People love a good yarn, but they love it even more when something absurd or ridiculous turns out to be true. Take the Gorilla Channel for example.”

The “Gorilla Channel” refers to a tweet purporting to be an excerpt from Michael Wolff’s Trump tell-all Fire & Fury. The tweet, created by comedian and cartoonist Ben Ward, known online as pixelatedboat, claimed the White House created a fake channel to entertain the president.

“So many people on Twitter shared that. People with blue verified check marks on their profiles. People who’ve made a career as journalists. They didn’t bother to check the source once their biases were confirmed.”

Ol’ Nick, who commands an army of albino bats against the forces of darkness constantly laying siege at the gateway to our own reality, admits he’s fallen for some yarns in his time.

“This was three, maybe four hundred molts ago, but I read a parchment in the dragon’s keep I discovered under Lewiston that claimed the Earth was flat, and I shared it with all the other cursed creatures of Maine,” he laughed.

Ol’ Nick has some tips to help avoid mixing up real with intentionally unreal news stories.

“Is it too good to be true? Does it instantly appeal to something you believe in an extreme way? Click on the link. Check out the source. It might be a joke site and the first story you find is something absolutely absurd.”

After sharing his wisdom, Ol’ Nick retired back to his home beneath the Jonesport-Beals Island bridge.

“Back to my pile of gold and rubies,” he laughed as he flew home on a cloud.

 

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