Captain Suspects Sternman of Cheating on Him After Finding Different Buoy Paint on Sweatshirt

Vinalhaven —¬†Lobsterman Jerry “Squiggum” Smith ran into sternman Mike Hopkins at Carver’s Harbor Market and made a stunning discovery.

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“I didn’t say anything to him about it,” Squiggum said, eyes watering. “But right there on his sweatshirt, plain as the nose on my face, were some orange paint.”

Squiggum believes the paint is from a rival fisherman, who he refused to name.

“No good son of a bitch. I know that orange well,” he said.

Hopkins says the paint is easily explained, telling us it came from some fiberglass stakes he had repainted so he could mark the end of his driveway.

“Found them off to the side of the road, they were still good, just a little faded, so I figured I’d spruce them up,” Hopkins said. “I don’t know what in the hell Squiggum’s on about.”

“Oh, asshole,” Squiggum exclaimed when we told him Hopkins’ explanation. “That ain’t even close to spray paint. That’s buoy paint. That son of a bitch.”

Squiggum grew increasingly irate, telling us he had a feeling something was awry.

“Asked him if he wanted to come over for suppah with mumma and me and he said he weren’t feeling good. Then I found out someone seen him down to the Haven having a couple toddies with that sunuva.”

When pressed, Squiggum admitted he heard from someone who heard from someone who claimed to have seen Hopkins with another fisherman.


3 thoughts on “Captain Suspects Sternman of Cheating on Him After Finding Different Buoy Paint on Sweatshirt”

  1. I dint realize you had to take a loyalty oath when you signed on as a sternman. I suppose you shouldn’t be out drinkin’ if you’re a stern man, much too much fun. So let’s see: the oath says no drinkin’, no talkin’ to other lobstermen, no usin’ buoy paint on anythin’ other than a buoy. Seems ab out right to me – so what’s the problem here?

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