Bangor — Law enforcement officials in the Queen City announced they were able to infiltrate and shut down an on-going syndicate of fun last night.
“We’ve been on this case for months, spent hundreds, if not thousands, of man-hours to bring down this ring of recklessness,” a spokesperson for the police said at a press conference.
Among the items seized in the daring 11 o’clock raid were 3 warm cans of Watermelon Strawberry Twisted Tea, several Fireball whiskey nips, and what officials describe as “some really bad weed.”
“I’ve been in law enforcement for a long time, and I’ve never seen such dry, seedy ditch weed,” the spokesperson said.
Over a dozen kids were involved in the ring, some of whom were as young as 19. Police have not yet released the names of the suspects for fear of reprisal.
“This is an organized gang of fun. They don’t take lightly to our efforts, and revenge eggings, toilet papering, or forkings are not out of the question.”
Officials are not sure if the suspects are connected to the underground world of fun, but say organized fun is on the rise among Maine youth.
“If you’re a young kid, it’s an attractive lifestyle. Have a few beers, maybe some puff, and throw empty glass bottles into a bonfire and see if you can melt one.”
Bangor Police suggest kids turn away from a life of fun and instead try things like physical fitness, obeying rules, and reporting others who they observe enjoying themselves.
“Who knows? You could end up with a great career in law enforcement,” the spokesperson said.