Portland Mayor Has No Regrets About Pretending to be a Pats Fan for Attention

Portland — Out come the clippers and off goes Portland Mayor Ethan Strimling’s thick head of hair next Friday, all part of a friendly bet with Portland, PA mayor Lance Prator.

The bet was simple: if the Eagles lost, Prator would shave his head, but if the Pats lost, Strimling would pretend to be a fan of New England’s team to garner media attention for a harmless and utterly transparent publicity stunt.

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“It’s all in the name of fun and getting the mayor in the spotlight,” a spokesperson said.

According to a press release, Strimling’s hair will be prepped with the finest oils and liniments before the clippers go to work, removing his locks in no time.

“It will feel pretty great,” the mayor said. No one present was sure if he was referring to having his scalp shorn, or the media attention he’s getting for the bet.

“It was tough to pretend to care about the outcome of a Pats game when it didn’t involve the Giants,” the mayor said while sitting at his desk, a New York Giants water cup on the shelf behind him.

“But in the end, it was worth it. For better or for worse, we had a great time and now I’m on camera way more than the city council, who basically no one has even seen on television unless they’re in the background of some boring meeting.”

In addition to the head-shaving, the mayor promised gin, coffee, and one of his hometown’s most famous signature foods: New York pizza pie.

Editor’s Note: an earlier version of this story referred to the mayor’s New York Giants drinking vessel as a ‘beer mug.’ The mayor reached out to us to let us know it’s a water cup. The story has been updated to reflect this new information.



3 thoughts on “Portland Mayor Has No Regrets About Pretending to be a Pats Fan for Attention”

  1. Ol’ Ethan’s a good ol’ boy. He tries hard and means well – which counts for a lot – but we also know where good intentions can lead, don’t we?

  2. He has to be a transplant to have made such a stupid bet all natives know not to bet on Boston teams still under mafia control?

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