Report: Minute-Mount My Ass, Says Maine Dad

Skowhegan — Local dad Shawn Howard, who woke up too damn late for this crap, was overheard by sources familiar with the matter taking issue with Fisher snowplows.

“They should call it what it really is, Pain in My Ass Mount, but that won’t sell plows, nosuh,” he said while refilling his Thermos with fresh coffee.

“The only time that thing ever… ever… took a minute to mount was the first day I got it,” Howard said, adding “weren’t even snowing, it was still September for Chrissakes.”

Onlookers overheard an expletive-laden tirade happening at around 5 am, when Howard was trying to attach his plow to his 2004 Ford F-150 pickup truck.

“I don’t know why in the hell he didn’t just put the damn thing on last night before the snow,” son Travis Howard said.

“I was over to Mum and Dad’s and said ‘Dad, you want some help with that,’ and he was like ‘nope. I’ll get it in the morning,’ so I was like ‘whatevah,'” he said.

The elder Howard insisted Fisher Plows used to be better “back in the day,” but believes there’s a drop in quality somehow attributable to the Chinese.

However, the younger Howard said there are many other factors at play.

“First off he sits the damn thing on two split logs ‘so it won’t freeze,’ but it always falls off when he pulls the truck up to it,” he explained.

“Secondly, he did a bunch of half-ass ‘modifications,'” making finger-quotes over the word “modifications.”

As for the younger Howard’s feelings on the Fisher Plow Minute Mount system, he said “Them things are slick. I love mine.”

“Way better than how it used to be with dad’s old plow on his Jeep. Why do you think it’s still on his Jeep?” he said, pointing into the woods where a Wrangler with plow was turning into iron-rich soil.

Howard eventually managed to get the plow on his truck, only to have his rarely-serviced chainsaw give him issue later in the day.

“Cold blooded son of a bitch!” he reportedly said of the Stihl he bought in 1987.

 

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