Big Win for Belfast Bag Ban: Smug Self-Satisfaction Up 900%

Belfast — While the plastic shopping bag ban in this midcoast community is barely 6 weeks old, preliminary studies show it’s already having a positive effect.

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“We couldn’t be happier to see how enormous the increase in self-satisfaction has been since its implementation,” said a representative from Belfast’s city hall.

“The environmental impact is pretty secondary to the huge impact we’re making by telling all our friends how progressive we are.”

The town, known for its boatyard catering to yachts as large as 480 tons, and the future site of a $150 million salmon farming facility, can’t get enough of the hollow feeling of making an environmental impact.

“When these people come in their large private boats and send their crews into town to pick up a few groceries, they feel like they’re really making a difference environmentally.”

The ban went into effect on January 1, with the hope the effort would keep the bags out of the bay.

“We would see sail boats with bags stuck in their keels. Once we even saw a bag floating near a Russian oil billionaire’s private vessel. We just hope he wasn’t too sickened by the sight,” the spokesperson said.

There are other benefits to feeling superior to other towns. By banning items with utility while welcoming private yachts and a massive farm dedicated to raising a luxury food item, Belfast is sending a clear message to its working-class citizens: we don’t like you.



19 thoughts on “Big Win for Belfast Bag Ban: Smug Self-Satisfaction Up 900%”

  1. This story is amazingly real world. As a !ocal, I have started driving to Bucksport to grocery shop since I can still get my groceries packed in bags that don’t rip open the minute I walk out of the store.

    1. If that’s the way you feel, you should go to bucksport. To not feel the sensitivity to the issue and only feel, it’s all about YOU. Good luck!

      1. And there is that liberal smug self-satisfaction on parade. Rather than trying to articulate a defense of a PC feel good policy, you just attack the person who happens to disagree with it. Well done.

  2. Interesting article until I got to the last sentence…where in hell did the “we don’t like you” come from???? I have to disagree most strongly…The only downside I have so far is that I have had to make other arrangements for the disposal of Miss Kitty’s toilette…And I have done so the paper bags to be sorted in Hampden…I also FINALLY remember to take my canvas bags into the store and not in the car…

  3. I seriously dislike the plastic bag ban in York. I recycle every bag that comes into this house. Since I don’t have plastic bags from Hannaford I have to buy bigger, thicker bags for my wet garbage. Also, read an interesting report about where to germs live in your belongings. The interior of reusable bags contained the highest number of e-coli bacteria on any surface. At least now York has thicker paper bags with handles!

    1. The storyline is satire… but suggesting that a plastic bag ban is a war against the working class is not satire. It’s an actual argument used against them… and it sucks to see it propagated here.

  4. Oh … no… I was enjoying your articles up until this one. Please don’t contribute to the misinformation. I’m not a fan of the huge yachts but plastic bags are trash and wasteful — plain and simple. They may be used once or twice but they all end up in the same place — our waste stream and the environment. And it is so so easy to make this change (whole states have already done it) to simply re-use bags instead of throw away a flimsy little piece of plastic that sticks around in our environment for, sometimes, hundreds of years. Plastic bag bans are a proven effective method to remove plastic waste from our environment… many people are in support of it, of all incomes and backgrounds. Please don’t make it a class thing, because it’s not. Using up our limited resources and trashing our environment ends up hurting the working class more than anyone else in the long run — it will only be the rich people who can afford to pay for clean water and eat healthy. It’s the rich folks who don’t want to see plastic bag bans passed by the way — as in Rockland we’re being contacted now by the The American Progressive Bag Alliance, an offshoot of the Plastics Industry Association, who has spent millions of dollars to defeat the local bans and support legislation that preempts local governments from implementing them. And the American City County Exchange, an offshoot of the conservative advocacy group the American Legislative Exchange Council — better known as ALEC — has drafted model legislative language for prohibitions on bag bans. And ALEC is no friend of the working class.

  5. I’m a retired working stiff. I’ve used fabric bags for years. Same six bags, four made of that thin fabric like the Hannaford wine bags, two of canvas. No matter how I freight them down, if I can pick them up, they’ll do the job. Wake the heck up, reusable bags actually make a lot of sense you luddites.

  6. As one reply noted, reusable bags have have a high incidence of e-coli bacteria. Also of note is that most are made by our good friends the Chinese Communist/Capitalist/Oxymoron Imperialists. This should bode well for the future. Delighted to see that “Smug Self-Satisfaction” is up 900% ….feelings are what life is all about.

  7. What’s every buddy so friggin worked up about? them paper bags is perfect for sellin your dope clones in, they don’t tip over on people on the ride home! i get em down there to the Wal-Mart in brunswick, 5 cents is a pretty good price! Theres a place over there in newcastle i can get em too but the want 10 for em. Looks pretty slick to have them girls hangin outta them bags too! Especially if they’re gettin a bunch! Nothin like seein them people grinnin lookin at their car right freighted! The law dogs don’t even need to ask you where you been if you get pulled over its written right on the bag! I been stock pilin since enda last season! I’m hopin that powdery mildew ain’t too bad like last year again Baaarutal! Got some new girls that’re lookin wicked good indoor kinda excited to see what they can do!
    Hang in there folks spring ain’t too far off!

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