Belfast — While the plastic shopping bag ban in this midcoast community is barely 6 weeks old, preliminary studies show it’s already having a positive effect.
“We couldn’t be happier to see how enormous the increase in self-satisfaction has been since its implementation,” said a representative from Belfast’s city hall.
“The environmental impact is pretty secondary to the huge impact we’re making by telling all our friends how progressive we are.”
The town, known for its boatyard catering to yachts as large as 480 tons, and the future site of a $150 million salmon farming facility, can’t get enough of the hollow feeling of making an environmental impact.
“When these people come in their large private boats and send their crews into town to pick up a few groceries, they feel like they’re really making a difference environmentally.”
The ban went into effect on January 1, with the hope the effort would keep the bags out of the bay.
“We would see sail boats with bags stuck in their keels. Once we even saw a bag floating near a Russian oil billionaire’s private vessel. We just hope he wasn’t too sickened by the sight,” the spokesperson said.
There are other benefits to feeling superior to other towns. By banning items with utility while welcoming private yachts and a massive farm dedicated to raising a luxury food item, Belfast is sending a clear message to its working-class citizens: we don’t like you.