Orono — Biologists with the University of Maine released the results of an alarming new study, showing the population of one of Maine’s most beloved natural wonders is at a critical point.
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“These findings are extremely troubling,” Dr. Linda Pease told members of the media.
“Maine’s classic rock stations number in the hundreds, not thousands, as we had once suspected.”
With only a few hundred classic rock stations in Maine, chances to get the Led out could be diminished.
“We believe there’s a link between climate change and the number of Maine classic rock stations,” Pease said.
“It’s difficult to remain cool when only the hottest rock hits from the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s play, which is why we believe the two might be related.”
Biologists studying small populations warn of the risk of a lack of bio-diversity, something that could easily wipe out a population.
“For example, we already see a clear lack of diversity in playlists and gimmicky blocks of time dedicated to, say, getting you to or from work.”
Pease worries future generations won’t be able to appreciate Maine’s valuable classic rock stations.
“Imagine if you can’t listen to Tom-O and Mr. Mike in the morning at the mechanics while you wait to get your brakes fixed.”
“Imagine a future where no child feels like he or she is the first person in their 9th grade class to discover Led Zeppelin, or The Doors,” she said.
“That’s no future I want.”
Pease ended the conference by taking questions from members of the media before starting a long block of commercial free rock right after the break.