Lobster Emoji Getting ‘Just Tons and Tons of Legs, Are You Happy Now? Jesus’

Mt. View, CA — The Unicode Consortium, the body behind standardized emojis, has righted what many Mainers saw as a wrong with the newly announced lobster emoji.

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An emergency meeting was called and the members voted unanimously to just add a ton of legs.

“Just copy paste them all over that stupid thing, for Chrissake,” said one member, a top computer scientist at MIT.

“It’s red, which doesn’t happen unless the damn things are cooked, but no one complained about it being a cooked lobster. Oh no. They lost their damn minds over a pair of missing legs on what is essentially an underwater cockroach.”

Maine Sen. Angus King took a break from supporting the extension of warrantless wiretapping by the NSA to announce the lobster emoji on Twitter.

But Mainers couldn’t believe it when they saw the cartoonish lobster had an incorrect number of legs, causing something of an uproar.

“You sold us out, King!” one Twitter user exclaimed at the pronouncement of the improperly legged crustacean.

The new lobster emoji has more legs than a normal lobster would ever have, sprouting from all over its body in impossible ways.

“Are you happy now? Huh?” a member of Unicode said.

“I wrote code that lets machines unravel the mysteries of cancer cells but spent the last few weeks having to talk about a stupid drawing of a goddamn lobster people are going to use at the end of their Instagram hashtags.”

The new lobster should be hitting phones this spring, just in time for the nice weather to get people to stop complaining.



4 thoughts on “Lobster Emoji Getting ‘Just Tons and Tons of Legs, Are You Happy Now? Jesus’”

  1. FAKE NEWS! This is obviously written by someone out of state where centipedes flourish.. Also,people in Maine will swear verbally, but never in print. Let’s stick to “real fake news” from Maine….no more “fake/fake news”..

  2. This story may have some legitimacy. I was served lobster several years back at a Chinese restaurant in Boston. My recollection is that there are distinct similarities with what you present here and what I ate!

  3. Pretty friggin bad when you report a story from the land a fruits and nuts and get accused of fake news cause the people quoted sound like they’re from away…
    Ain’t it brutal!

    And don’t you think for a second the complainin is gonna stop when the weather turns nice. Between black flies, tourist and humidity I’m sure we’ll all have lots to talk about!

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