High Tide Not Helping This Clam’s Seasonal Affective Disorder

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Cutler — In spite of the rising waters flooding tidal ecosystems with vital nutrients, one clam is unable to shake its ennui.

“I know I’m supposed to be happy,” the clam told us. “It’s high tide. Food is here. We’re safe from predation and threat of harvest by humans,” it said.

“But honestly, I’m just so tired of it all right now.”

Seasonal Affective Disorder, or “SAD,” affects millions of people each year in the northern parts of the United States, and elsewhere across the world during the long winter months.

A lack of sunlight, coupled with cold, foul weather and other treacherous conditions, turns into a depressive state many Mainers know and understand.

However, marine biologists and every day people know a clam is happy at high tide, but unfortunately this one clam is unable to feel any joy.

“Nothing seems to help bring happiness to my life,” the bivalve said, squirting sea water into the air from its clam hole.

Biologists say the best way to treat SAD may be vitamin D supplements and sun lamp treatments. The worst thing a person can do is offer empty advice.

“Don’t tell me ‘have you tried being happy?’ Because, of course I have,” the clam said.

“You think I don’t want to sit here in the mud, lapping up my dinners as they float by in the frigid waters of the Atlantic? I want nothing more. But I just can’t reconcile my want of happiness with the suffering under which my nervous system has placed me.”

“Some days I wish that big rake would find me, and take me off to that fry basket in the sky.”


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