Mint Toothpaste ‘Too Spicy,’ Reports Maine Dad

Steuben — Gerald Pinkham believes the Crest Fresh Mint toothpaste he bought is too overwhelmingly flavorful. 

“Phew!” he said, one part exclamation, one part sharp exhale. “This is just too damn much.”

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Pinkham was unable to complete brushing his teeth at a pace at which he felt comfortable.

“Just had to get it done and over with, Je-sus.” He made repeated attempts to silence the spicy chorus in his mouth by making short, forceful inhalations, drawing the cool air rapidly over his tongue.

“Who in the friggin hell is this meant for?” he asked before swishing his mouth out again with cold water.

“Damnedest thing I ever tried. What ever happened to just normal flavored toothpaste like Aim?” he asked, wiping tears from his eyes.

“This never happened with my Aquafresh.”

Pinkham had purchased the toothpaste as part of a deal he saw on Amazon.

“I was on there to order a birthday present for mumma and I seen they had them on special,” he explained.

The 3-pack of Crest Fresh Mint is a radical departure from his normal Aquafresh, but Pinkham doesn’t plan to go back just yet.

“I paid for 3 tubes of that shit, I’m not throwing it out.”


8 thoughts on “Mint Toothpaste ‘Too Spicy,’ Reports Maine Dad”

  1. He got the Maine version, especially strong for hardy souls such as himself! It gets weaker as you head on South!

  2. Me thinks he may have put enought paste on for several tooths… which for Gerald is just a distant fond memory. I like the sink option.

  3. Does anyone know the story about the hair-lip toothbrush salesman and shrimp dip? If so, let it go. I can’t remember how it goes.

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