Artisanal Transfer Station Has Heritage Seagulls, Rats

Belfast — A trendy new solid waste transfer station and recycling center has opened, and it’s a locavore’s dream.

The small transfer station, opened by a former hedge fund manager from Connecticut, will begin accepting local refuse tied in brown paper packages.

“We really wanted to open a transfer station that captures what it means to really be local,” manager Harris Williamson said.

Williamson, and his domestic partner Leslie, introduced heritage breeds of seagulls and rats.

“One of the things I overheard during a town event was an old local recalling just how big the rats used to be when he was young,” he said.

“Leslie and I spent months researching until we finally found a large breed of heritage rat in a few of the remaining open-pit dumps in the USA.”

They moved the rats to their own transfer station, along with a breed of particularly aggressive trash-eating seagulls.

“These seagulls were all but forgotten until we reintroduced them to their natural habitat here.”

The small-batch, artisanal transfer station only accepts neatly folded papers and apple cores, as well as coal dust “from anything you use to keep warm or generate steam.”

The Williamsons also have several mangy dump cats, who often get into fights with each other over whole fish skeletons.

“We just wanted to start something closer to the way transfer stations used to be, when people called them ‘dumps.'”

New Maine News hats are back!
New Maine News hats are back!

9 thoughts on “Artisanal Transfer Station Has Heritage Seagulls, Rats”

  1. So… can we go to this “dump” after work and week-ends and shoot rats with a .22 like we use to?

  2. “The small transfer station will begin accepting local refuse tied in brown paper packages.” Will they accept my refuse if it’s delivered by a flock of little white doves instead?

  3. Ya. And don’t forget Maine’s “natural morning alarm clock”. Crows living on our garbage.

Leave a Reply