Report: Mother Needs You to Come Here a Minute

Millinocket– Recent reports show mother needs you for something and would like to see you for at least a second, according to sources familiar with matter.

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The reason for wanting to be seen for such a short amount of time remains a mystery. It could be because mother, or “Mutha,” as she’s more often referred to, has something to ask you.

Mutha may also need you to refill her Pepsi, sources indicate. However, this may lead to disappointment, as your father left the 2-liter of Pepsi out and now it’s “flat’s a turd.”

Other sources report Mutha needs you to come here a minute so she can fix your collar, which was “uncuckered” as of the time of this article.

Tensions around Mutha rose during an earlier incident in which she needed you to “get your ass here, now,” because someone drank all the milk. Fortunately, that turned out to be a false alarm after it was revealed dad was at Hannaford’s getting more before he came home, a fact Mutha forgot.

Given the past history of reasons Mutha needs you to come here a minute, the most likely explanation is she lost the remote again and needs you turn the TV up, but it could also be to grab a pack of smokes out of the carton in the upstairs freezer.



3 thoughts on “Report: Mother Needs You to Come Here a Minute”

  1. now see, I once used the “flat as a turd” reference and the people who heard it thought I was crazy.

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