Dump Attendants Issue Joint Statement: ‘That’s Not Where That Goes’

Statewide — Employees of transfer stations and dumps across Maine have released a statement about that bag of trash you’re about to throw out.

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According to the statement, “that belongs in a different bin,” and is clearly marked. “Right here, on the bottom,” the statement reads.

The statement was issued after dump and transfer station attendants realized it would be a huge time saver to have one blanket statement covering where you were supposed to put that item you just tossed into the wrong place.

The statement also reads “no, I’ll get it out, just remember it for next time” when it comes to putting the trash and recycling into the proper place.

Even towns with single-stream recycling, designed to cut down on the amount of times a dump worker tells you “no, that’s no the right place, it goes over there,” is covered in the statement.

“Styrofoam goes in the refuse bin,” it reads.

Bubble wrap is not recyclable, the statement also points out, but the air bags sometimes used in packaging are. However, even though they’re clearly marked as number 2 plastic, they still may fall under the initial statement.

“We’re not sure what they think down to the main center so we just tell people to throw them into the trash compactor,” it reads.

The statement is one of thousands expected to be issued as more and more people are given a tiny bit of authority to lord over you as it becomes more difficult to throw your garbage away.

“We can’t wait until we get to tell people what kind of compost can’t be put in that bin,” a spokesperson said.


7 thoughts on “Dump Attendants Issue Joint Statement: ‘That’s Not Where That Goes’”

  1. Frig that, Chummy! Nellie Barker’s back field in Corinna is the best place for dumpin’. She never goes out there any more since Mert died. Don’t put truck in that climate change stuff. It’s all fake news. Jeez, people!

    1. I knew that was you, Bo! I’ve put the staties on you. I hope the judge makes you eat all those NECCO wafers you left out there.

  2. So Mr. Attendant… can we go to the “dump” after work and week-ends and shoot dump rats with a .22 like we use to? We promise to put all the dead ones in the right pile when we’re done!

    1. Absolutely not!!! No weapons of any kind are allowed on municipal property since the anti-terrorism ordinance was enacted last September. The Selectbored decided it’s too much of a risk since the Mennonites started moving in.

      1. What do the inventors of the Speed Stick, with its fougère perfume and green wide stick, the former market leader among deodorants and antiperspirants, have to do with it?

  3. Mert! How many times do I have to tell ya to recycle wood lobster boats in the wood pile, and fiberglass lobster boats in the plastic pile! Yer makin’ life difficult here!

  4. So Seth.. so goes the dump. Good on ya.

    PS… reds eats opened today
    To brilliant blue sky and warm April sun. NOT!

    Bobby Jaysus…No Cheds Reds.
    2018 and the bridge headed to the dump?

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