Whitefield – An alarming report from town officials in Whitefield shows religious extremists are flocking to the area in record numbers.
The New Maine News storefront is closed! Support real local news by buying a cheap t-shirt from this generic one instead.
The population of devout followers of a foreign religious sect has quadrupled in size since the first extremists arrived in 2017. Many in the area are concerned.
“This isn’t the Maine I grew up in,” said Jeremy Thibedeau of Jefferson. “They live closer to the Maine my grandfather grew up in, actually, but they don’t swear or drink at all.”
“How in the hell do you get any farming done without swearing?” Thibedeau’s grandfather, Lloyd Thibedeau, wondered. “It ain’t right.”
Some politicians are concerned about the rising population of extremists relocating to Maine. One representative cited the population’s refusal to assimilate to our culture.
“They don’t want anything to do with how Mainers are living, but they want us to buy their gourds? We need to put Mainers first” the representative warned.
The representative, who wished not to be named, is sponsoring a bill to outlaw bonnets.
Pretty sure they don’t use T1-11 ether, that ain’t right
Take their money and then send them down the road.
What constitutes “extremist”? Should we not try to understand them before demonizing them?
Such judgement without the full knowledge about the people who are moving to Maine in the above story. I agree with Kris. Lets not demonize them before knowing them
You do understand that this is Real Maine News, right?
I believe his tongue was firmly in his cheek as he wrote this.
Hmmmm, Donny – Evidence would show that they are about one one apple short of a bushel.
If the barns are post and beam and properly hewn, I say let em stay!
Oh, great! Next thing you know is that they will be raising animals and storing hay in them barns and not keeping junk cars, old boats and stuff in them like you should.
They are resourceful as hell though! Pants without zippers! Who woulda thunk taking a piss from the peak of a barn roof by unbuttoning 22 handmade buttons, dropping down a full torso flap and covering your junk with a handkerchief could be done with such dignity. I say, let’s give Brother Ezra and Brother Amos a chance.
Welcome back NMN!
Do they hire people to do their swearing for them? That’s my dream job!
#$^!**&!!! That being said, let it be known that I am the designated swearer for this group. They asked how much it would cost, and I said: “%%##@^&%! They said fine, and we’ll throw in some of our apple cider that turned ‘hard’ so we can’t drink it; I
t’s now all yours! And I said: “%@**(^$# thanks a %@@$R& load!
We have to protect our border – Now that the toll booths are gone , perhaps a picket fence ?
Go get em!
People that work for a
living, take care of themselves and their relatives,
not asking for a hand out Right Put up the wall Don’t let them start a new thing Immigrants wanting to work and take care of themselves. Whoa we can’t have that