Mainers Prepare for Santa’s Arrival by Leaving Out Milk and Allen’s

Statewide — With NORAD already tracking progress of Santa Claus across the south Pacific, Mainers are putting the finishing touches on welcoming the big man by leaving him a tall, cool glass of gorilla juice.

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It might surprise people to learn other places leave Santa a glass of milk with a plate of cookies, but here in Maine, Santa needs something a little extra.

“We always leave Santa half a gallon of Oakhurst and a half a gallon of Allen’s,” said Jonesport resident Samantha Beal.

“When I was little my dad would buy two, three handles right before Christmas just to help Santa celebrate.”

The traditional Allen’s and milk treat left for Santa is a delight for children everywhere, who wake up Christmas morning to find nothing but two empty bottles and an overturned red Solo cup.

“To me, it wouldn’t be Christmas if we didn’t leave Santa at least a pint to hide in his inside pocket,” Belgrade resident Gerry Thibodeau said.

“Plus, fella’s got a long night ahead of him, and I don’t know about you guys but that stuff gets me revved up.”

Thibodeau said Allen’s and milk is, and always has been, the perfect treat to leave for Santa.

“Fat-ass in a glass for that jolly old fat bastard.”

Thiodeau also leaves out a plate of cookies, in keeping with wider tradition.

“Oh, mumma makes them. Uses weed butter. Santa will be flying high all night, guy.”

 

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One thought on “Mainers Prepare for Santa’s Arrival by Leaving Out Milk and Allen’s”

  1. Make a Burning Trailer for Wifey, (Allen’s and Moxie)
    Mine will be a Burning Double Wide, (Kahlua and Moxie). No I ain’t putting on airs! Just don’t like mixing shit in my Moxie!

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