Regardless of Whether the Patriots Win or Lose, Majority of Mainers Calling in Sick Tomorrow

Statewide – Super Bowl LIII happens tonight, and Mainers across the state are already preparing for the event by thinking up excuses not to go to work tomorrow.

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“I don’t want to say we’re going to win because I don’t want to jinx it,” said Donald Pelletier of Rumford, “but I got a good feeling about this one and no matter what happens I’m getting about half-tight.”

“I have a slight allergy to corn chips and it’s probably going to flare up on me come Monday morning,” he said.

Super Bowl celebrations are scheduled for across the state, with Mainers coming together to drink, eat, swear, and scream.

“No matter what there’s going to be lots of yelling,” according to Tammy Look of Eustis.

“My old man just starts yelling, from the coin toss until the post-game, and we all get louder as the game progresses. My throat’s going to be too raw to go in on Monday, that’s for sure.”

Look said during the Pats historic Super Bowl LI victory, they were “yelling so loud” she doesn’t actually remember it.

“Must’ve lost oxygen to my brain from all the hollering, because Christ if I can remember us winning.”

Jesse Sprache of Palmyra remembers the heartbreak of the 2007 Super Bowl loss to the New York Giants with a heavy heart.

“Called in that Monday and ain’t been back to work since,” Sprache, now on disability, said.



One thought on “Regardless of Whether the Patriots Win or Lose, Majority of Mainers Calling in Sick Tomorrow”

  1. Patriots will probably begin with their famous “Bust some Ribs” strategy” before they start playing ball, so anyone not routing for them should stock up on beer and spare ribs.

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