Maine College Scandal: Parents Accused of Buying Dreadlock Extensions to Help Child Get Into Unity College

Unity – A homegrown college admissions scandal is rocking the Pine Tree state as evidence mounts against an Athens couple accused of falsely giving a leg-up to their college-bound son.

Gerry and Moonlight Mothersbaugh-Smith stand accused of weaving super-gross dreadlock extensions into their son Cargo’s unkempt, but short, hair in an attempt to impress admissions officers at Unity College.

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A lawyer for the couple denies the allegations, saying the dreadlock extensions “were given to Cargo in preparation of a Disco Biscuits concert” happening in Denver, CO in May.

However, investigators say Cargo’s lack of dreads is something his father had forseen, taking steps to ensure his son’s acceptance into Unity’s Environmental Writing and Media Studies program this fall.

“Mr. Mothersbaugh-Smith had been cultivating a crop of the nastiest dreads for over 20 years,” the report states. “The entire time, he was unfazed by how gross they looked, how bad they smelled, and how unbelievably lame it is for white people to grow dreads.”

However, as Cargo grew closer to college age, his parents knew he would have a difficult time getting into colleges, at which point his father “took some rusty-ass scissors and lopped those nasty ropes off at the roots,” according to the report.

This isn’t the first such scandal to rock Maine’s colleges. In 1999, several wealthy parents were accused of trying to get their children into College of the Atlantic by promising members of the faculty “the crunchiest jam-band bootlegs you ever heard.”



17 thoughts on “Maine College Scandal: Parents Accused of Buying Dreadlock Extensions to Help Child Get Into Unity College”

  1. Being seen parking a rusty, VW, Micro-bus, complete with peace symbols and flowers is a much safer bet.

      1. My freshman year enrollment at U.C. was down to 250 students if you could chew gum and walk you could get in and pay later.

  2. I used Odel hair gunk for my straight locks. My barber Carl called me the Odel Kid ! Slicked right down !!! Sam

  3. In Massachusetts, it’s popular to use library paste to hold an old mop on an applicant’s head while claiming to be at least 1/64 Cherokee.

    1. A lot of really weird stuff is popular in Massachusetts. Did you know that there is a cult of monkeys there who often teleport to Pennsylvania to watch nude football?

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