Maine Newspaper vs. Government Softball League Canceled Due to Too Many Slow-Lob Pitches

Augusta – The opening game of Maine’s print media versus government softball season was called after a single inning due to an overwhelming score in favor of government.

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The 75-0 game was ruled for the Maine government softball team, who were able to crack home runs and on-base hits after the Maine newspaper softball team kept lobbing softballs at them.

The newspaper team, made up of 9 pitchers and no other positions, was clearly overwhelmed when Maine government players took to bat.

“I just I couldn’t bring myself to put anything behind my pitches,” said newspaper team captain and starting pitcher, explaining his decision to lob fat, slow balls right down the center time and time again.

The game is a radical departure from previous years, when the newspaper team was more than willing to throw fast, high, and inside pitches.

“Something’s different now,” one newspaper player said of Maine’s new government softball squad. “I can’t quite put my finger on it.”

Another player expressed concern about possible negative effects. “I just worry we might cause them harm, or make things too difficult for them if we try and play hardball.”

Some fans in the stands were upset at the uneven score.

“I don’t even know why I bothered showing up,” said one fan in attendance. “I should have figured the game would’ve been like this when the Maine newspaper softball team endorsed the government team’s new captain.”

The Maine newspaper softball team isn’t too concerned about criticism from the bleachers.

“More than likely if they disagree with how we play the game, they’re right-wingers who’ve been brainwashed into thinking we’re doing a bad job.”



6 thoughts on “Maine Newspaper vs. Government Softball League Canceled Due to Too Many Slow-Lob Pitches”

  1. It’s the catchers fault ! He didn’t reach out far enough for the ball. I’m gonna write him as the next Governor by God…

  2. Will still buy a newspaper…mainly for the Comics section and an occasional article or two per week. Tried getting my news from the TV for awhile, but kind of a loosing concept there. (Years back, Dan Rather’s created wacko “courage news” so upset me that I retaliated with a “Menu, Channel, Delete” and not sure that CBS even exists anymore. Expect next year softball match may be 100 to 0. Good luck to all.

  3. I think the reason for all of the soft balls is because the Maine Legislature and Governor are on a roll, first, by discrediting that rogue explorer, Columbus and renaming his day Indigenous Peoples’ Day (and following up by banning schools’ mascots representing indigenous people – what? they were already all removed by the schools? Why ban them?) Now Gov. Millions has signed into law serious penalties for “Conversion Therapy”, evidently aimed at converting someone (youth) from something that they might not be sure of, to something that they might not be sure of…it’s very confusing, but no more converting! However, your government is checking the boxes for those “one percenters”…it’s all good, but the 99% are wondering when they will focus on Maine’s economy, and keeping it’s high school, tech school and college graduates in the state. Only a few small papers have actually show a diversity of opinion.

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