Augusta – The opening game of Maine’s print media versus government softball season was called after a single inning due to an overwhelming score in favor of government.
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The 75-0 game was ruled for the Maine government softball team, who were able to crack home runs and on-base hits after the Maine newspaper softball team kept lobbing softballs at them.
The newspaper team, made up of 9 pitchers and no other positions, was clearly overwhelmed when Maine government players took to bat.
“I just I couldn’t bring myself to put anything behind my pitches,” said newspaper team captain and starting pitcher, explaining his decision to lob fat, slow balls right down the center time and time again.
The game is a radical departure from previous years, when the newspaper team was more than willing to throw fast, high, and inside pitches.
“Something’s different now,” one newspaper player said of Maine’s new government softball squad. “I can’t quite put my finger on it.”
Another player expressed concern about possible negative effects. “I just worry we might cause them harm, or make things too difficult for them if we try and play hardball.”
Some fans in the stands were upset at the uneven score.
“I don’t even know why I bothered showing up,” said one fan in attendance. “I should have figured the game would’ve been like this when the Maine newspaper softball team endorsed the government team’s new captain.”
The Maine newspaper softball team isn’t too concerned about criticism from the bleachers.
“More than likely if they disagree with how we play the game, they’re right-wingers who’ve been brainwashed into thinking we’re doing a bad job.”