Portland Residents Overwhelmingly Approve of New Homeless Shelter Location in Lewiston

Portland – After many setbacks and issues with possible locations to address Portland’s homeless problem, residents have settled on building the shelter in another city entirely.

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“It’s really the perfect solution,” said a representative for Portland’s city council.

“Having the new location for Portland’s homeless shelter in Lewiston solves a lot of problems facing our vulnerable homeless population,” said Mayor Ethan Strimling.

“For one, they will be treated with the dignity they deserve and get the help they need, all while being far, far from our city and our efforts to increase gentrification.”

Strimling said he’s disappointed he won’t be able to order the razing of homeless encampments, “a fun little fringe benefit,” but thinks Lewiston is a perfect place for the city’s homeless population.

“I guess it’s nasty up there anyway,” one Portland resident said. “I’ve never been. But it sounds like a great place for our homeless people, whose plight I definitely support and empathize with. Coffee is six bucks a cup now, it probably takes a lot of pan handling to get that much.”

The plan to build Portland’s homeless shelter in Lewiston already has city councilors planning their next move.

“We’ve decided to declare towns in Washington county as safe havens for asylum seekers.” the representative said.


20 thoughts on “Portland Residents Overwhelmingly Approve of New Homeless Shelter Location in Lewiston”

    1. So sad that Portland can’t or won’t take care of their own. These people we’re once children in Portland. Shane on you people as I grew up in Portland I was devastated to see all the homeless people there. But yet you build communities for people not even from this country before helping people you yourself may have went to school with. And then you have DHS taking children away from parents who struggle. Who may be in a hotel with their children. Even scheming so much as to steak children because people are looking for foster children to make money. Maine is such a disgrace. I have witnessed. The disgusting tactics for ripping families apart. For no reason. No jeopardy. Hearing judges telling them to return children to parents only to have. Workers say it’s at their discretion I’m not proud to say I grew up in a state. That has steals children. And is allowed to commit perjuey in court while judge knows they r doing that wow. Welcome to Maine

      1. Who is Shane? And what did he have to do with this. I hope he’s not homeless.

  1. This site better than the Portland paper, at least you can comment on such a sensitive subject

  2. The Somail community has prepared a special welcome for the Congolese and is requesting donations of large kettles and firewood.

    1. I guess there are no other sites to vent and bitch on. Humor is a vanishing commodity. But you know, if it’s on the Web, it has to be true…

  3. All kidding aside, LA is on the upswing lately except for the old decripit Lisbon St stretch as usual lol. Better get your apts there before they are lost to Airbnbs forever.

  4. Howie you are the idiot …. The welcome home sign makes more sense to me returning from a long trip than does open for business. Either way I gotta work tomorrow and either way Lepage sucked ass.

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