Portland – After many setbacks and issues with possible locations to address Portland’s homeless problem, residents have settled on building the shelter in another city entirely.
“It’s really the perfect solution,” said a representative for Portland’s city council.
“Having the new location for Portland’s homeless shelter in Lewiston solves a lot of problems facing our vulnerable homeless population,” said Mayor Ethan Strimling.
“For one, they will be treated with the dignity they deserve and get the help they need, all while being far, far from our city and our efforts to increase gentrification.”
Strimling said he’s disappointed he won’t be able to order the razing of homeless encampments, “a fun little fringe benefit,” but thinks Lewiston is a perfect place for the city’s homeless population.
“I guess it’s nasty up there anyway,” one Portland resident said. “I’ve never been. But it sounds like a great place for our homeless people, whose plight I definitely support and empathize with. Coffee is six bucks a cup now, it probably takes a lot of pan handling to get that much.”
The plan to build Portland’s homeless shelter in Lewiston already has city councilors planning their next move.
“We’ve decided to declare towns in Washington county as safe havens for asylum seekers.” the representative said.