Gov. Mills Reverses Bag Ban After Learning Some of Her Supporters Use Them to Clean Up After Their Lhasa Apsos

Augusta – Less than 24 hours after signing a bill banning single-use plastic bags, Governor Janet Mills reversed her decision following outcry from some of her closest and wealthiest supporters.

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Several people close to the governor use the bags to clean up droppings from their dogs, and one dog owner worried what the impact will have on his Islesboro summer cottage.

“If [my dog] Her Royal Majesty Miss Queensmary Rosebloom isn’t picked up after, her leavings could upset the pH balance of the sod we just laid down,” said Robert Brahmin of Cambridge, MA.

Brahmin said the plastic bags are the only thing protecting his hands from the dog droppings.

“I might have to instruct my caretaker to remove them using the tractor,” he said, but noted it will introduce even more problems to the lush lawn.

“With our new sprinkler system, there’s a real danger he might break one of the heads.”

Brahmin said as an environmentalist, he does what he can, buying carbon credits to off-set his business trips and vacationing only at green Caribbean resorts, but said “this ban goes too far!”

Governor Mills was quick to respond to the pleas of her wealthy friends, but promises a compromise that will satisfy everyone.

According to the governor’s office, the ban will be postponed for a year while funds for repairing Maine’s roads are instead earmarked for a new program of state-subsidized doggy-bags.

 

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14 thoughts on “Gov. Mills Reverses Bag Ban After Learning Some of Her Supporters Use Them to Clean Up After Their Lhasa Apsos”

      1. That was a rhetorical question right? If you have to ask, I can’t explain it so you’d understand…

  1. Why are politicians so ban happy? I think feel-good legislation should be banned. The next thing to be banned might just be BAN deodorant itself. After all, with a product name like that, it is asking to be banned. If that happens, the politics in Maine will really stink.

  2. I think the State should take back all the land owned by foreigners out side of the State. There Peckerheads…

    1. Hey! My family is from away and has owned a house in Maine since 1954. So I should at least be considered a Pecker or a Head, not a full blown Pecker head.

  3. Kindly suggest to Mr. Brahmin of Massachusetts the following solution to his problem: Simply request that his dog walker escort Miss Queensmary Rosebloom to the yard of Ms. Plebeian and have her dump there.

  4. I’m introducing my new line of custom-made ECO-FRIENDLY doggy-doo composting bins, made from fine rainforest woods and courier shipped to your estate. Available in Brazilian Ipe and old-growth baldcypress, they’re sure to match the decor of your 7,000 sf cottage.

  5. When my canine companion Her Imperial Highness Lulu I of Arizona lays down a Gumper on the grass I always instruct her designated walker Consuelo to remove it immediately using a disposal bag. Unless its loose on those occasions when her prime rib has too high a fat content. The Consuelo uses a pressure washer on those messes.

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