Eustis — Medical marijuana treats and alleviates all known sicknesses, reports a man with chronic conditions of the skin, lungs, and other vital organs.
Statewide — With NORAD already tracking progress of Santa Claus across the south Pacific, Mainers are putting the finishing touches on welcoming the big man by leaving him a tall, cool glass of gorilla juice.
Portland — Maine’s rock alternative issued a dire warning to listeners in its southern Maine market this morning.
North Haven — After a series of events leading to financial hardship befell one couple, this small town came together to talk behind their backs about how it was probably their fault, anyway.
Belfast — Tensions between Belfast’s city council and the town’s mayor were made worse by a recent op-ed in the Republican Journal, leaving many in this small town uncertain as to which side they should avoid taking.
Augusta — After a prolonged counting process, the nation’s first ranked-choice voting decision confirmed the new system is enormously fair and successful, report Maine’s Democrats.
Midcoast — Thanks to everyone for the amazing support and love in the brief time New Maine News has existed.
Unfortunately I no longer have the time to dedicate to New Maine News, so I’m putting the site on permanent hiatus. That’s a non-committal way of saying “it’s over” while still keeping the door open for an eventual reboot, one that will probably never happen.
Again, thank you all for making this something people talked about in and around the state of Maine. It’s been wild. Way crazier than I imagined it would ever be. Seriously.
I don’t plan to stop doing comedy, or Maine comedy, and I’m open for collaborations or writing really tone-deaf opinion columns for the Portland Press Herald, since that seems pretty popular.
You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram, or my check out my new job as tech and commerce editor at IGN.com, or follow me on Flickr. Or not. I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. You can still reach me at the contact link on this page, or directly at firstname.lastname@example.org.
You’re all wonderful and I love you each individually. Please remember to cast your write-in vote for me this fall for Maine’s next, and best-ever, governor.
Somerville, MA — Researchers are near a breakthrough, with the promise of perfect Fluffernutter sandwiches in the future.
Jackman — The class of 2001 senior trip to Cancun, Mexico, is still looked upon fondly by members of that year’s graduating class.
Sherman — Family members are concerned local grandmother Millicent Packer won’t be able to make the adjustment to her new prepaid cell phone.