Category: news

Marijuana Cures All Disease, Reports Unhealthiest Person You’ve Ever Met

Eustis — Medical marijuana treats and alleviates all known sicknesses, reports a man with chronic conditions of the skin, lungs, and other vital organs.

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Mainers Prepare for Santa’s Arrival by Leaving Out Milk and Allen’s

Statewide — With NORAD already tracking progress of Santa Claus across the south Pacific, Mainers are putting the finishing touches on welcoming the big man by leaving him a tall, cool glass of gorilla juice.

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When This Young Couple Fell on Hard Times, Their Small Community Banded Together to Talk Shit Behind Their Backs

North Haven — After a series of events leading to financial hardship befell one couple, this small town came together to talk behind their backs about how it was probably their fault, anyway.

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Maine Dad “About Friggin’ Sick of It”

Midcoast — Thanks to everyone for the amazing support and love in the brief time New Maine News has existed.

Unfortunately I no longer have the time to dedicate to New Maine News, so I’m putting the site on permanent hiatus. That’s a non-committal way of saying “it’s over” while still keeping the door open for an eventual reboot, one that will probably never happen.

Again, thank you all for making this something people talked about in and around the state of Maine. It’s been wild. Way crazier than I imagined it would ever be. Seriously.

I don’t plan to stop doing comedy, or Maine comedy, and I’m open for collaborations or writing really tone-deaf opinion columns for the Portland Press Herald, since that seems pretty popular.

You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram, or my check out my new job as tech and commerce editor at IGN.com, or follow me on Flickr. Or not. I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. You can still reach me at the contact link on this page, or directly at editor@newmainenews.com.

You’re all wonderful and I love you each individually. Please remember to cast your write-in vote for me this fall for Maine’s next, and best-ever, governor.

–Seth