Midcoast — Thanks to everyone for the amazing support and love in the brief time New Maine News has existed.
Unfortunately I no longer have the time to dedicate to New Maine News, so I’m putting the site on permanent hiatus. That’s a non-committal way of saying “it’s over” while still keeping the door open for an eventual reboot, one that will probably never happen.
Again, thank you all for making this something people talked about in and around the state of Maine. It’s been wild. Way crazier than I imagined it would ever be. Seriously.
I don’t plan to stop doing comedy, or Maine comedy, and I’m open for collaborations or writing really tone-deaf opinion columns for the Portland Press Herald, since that seems pretty popular.
You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram, or my check out my new job as tech and commerce editor at IGN.com, or follow me on Flickr. Or not. I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. You can still reach me at the contact link on this page, or directly at email@example.com.
You’re all wonderful and I love you each individually. Please remember to cast your write-in vote for me this fall for Maine’s next, and best-ever, governor.
Somerville, MA — Researchers are near a breakthrough, with the promise of perfect Fluffernutter sandwiches in the future.
Continue reading “Top Fluff Scientists Closing In on New Formula Without That Weird Hard Chunk”
East Millinocket– One of Maine’s most famous off-the-grid landmarks was torn down to make way for a new gun shop, but that doesn’t mean fans of the establishment didn’t get one last thrill.
Continue reading “Legendary Maine Topless Bar Ground to Dust, Snorted by Former Patrons”
Jackman — The class of 2001 senior trip to Cancun, Mexico, is still looked upon fondly by members of that year’s graduating class.
Continue reading “Class-Flower Tattoo, Hepatitis, Life-Long Reminders of Senior Trip to Cancun”
Sherman — Family members are concerned local grandmother Millicent Packer won’t be able to make the adjustment to her new prepaid cell phone.
Continue reading “Maine Grandma Still Can’t Get Used to Dialing More Than Four Numbers”
Coastal Areas– Informal surveys of members Maine’s commercial lobster industry paints a grim picture of the future.
Continue reading “For 107th Straight Year, Lobstermen Predict Worst Season in History”
Augusta — Almost 18 months since Maine voters approved the legalization of recreational marijuana use by a narrow margin, Maine’s lawmakers are confident they’ve really done a number on it.
Continue reading “Maine Lawmakers Satisfied Legal Pot Laws are Nowhere Near What People Wanted”
Brooks — People in this Waldo county town are reeling after a new member of the community, originally from Massachusetts, was described favorably by those who’ve met him.
Continue reading “Controversial Report Claims New Neighbor From Away ‘Actually Pretty Good Guy’”
Detroit, MI — American automaker Chevrolet announced new improvements to its 2019 line-up of trucks aimed squarely at Mainers.
Continue reading “Chevy Announces New Pit-Party Bed Liner With Built-in Cup Holders”
South Thomaston — Cade Pease is like most of the other kids in his 5th grade class: he loves Pokemon, Marvel’s Avengers, and naively believing there’s a future for him here in the midcoast.
Continue reading “Meet the 8th-Generation Coastal Maine Kid With No Idea He Won’t be Able to Afford to Live Here When He Grows Up”