Top Fluff Scientists Closing In on New Formula Without That Weird Hard Chunk

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A person sitting at a table with a blue toothbrush

Somerville, MA — Researchers are near a breakthrough, with the promise of perfect Fluffernutter sandwiches in the future.

A team of the nation’s top marshmallow Fluff scientists, including two Nobel laureates, have been working for years to crack what’s known to science as the “Random Hard Chunk Problem.”

“In every jar or tub of Fluff, there’s one tiny, imperceptible chunk of nasty something-or-other,” lead researched Dr. Debbie Mello said.

That chunk will ruin an otherwise delicious sandwich.

“Even if you’re one of the weirdos who eats chunky peanut butter with Fluff, you still can’t ignore the tooth-cracking hard bite into that weird-ass little hard piece.”

“Fluff Stones,” as they’re known, are small and the same color as the rest of the Fluff, making them impossible to detect. Since Fluff is so thick, it’s also impossible to filter them out.

Every bite is a minefield, and every jar contains one of theses Fluff Stones, according to researchers.

“Nothing ruins a Fluffernutter faster,” Mello said. “Not even making it on wheat bread.”