Western Maine – In a find researchers are calling “astonishing,” a previously unknown town has been discovered in western Maine, the inhabitants of which still rely on hand-crank phones for communication.
Continue reading “Anthropologists Discover Uncontacted Maine Town Still Using Crank Phones”
Foxboro, MA – A new report from the Institute of Sports Research reveals some unsurprising statistics about Patriots fans in the state of Maine.
Augusta — A simple, but uncommon, winter phenomenon in the Presumpcot River has brought worldwide attention to our state. If Maine wants to move forward in the decade to come, we simply must do more to bring naturally occurring ice disks to our rivers.
Eustis — Medical marijuana treats and alleviates all known sicknesses, reports a man with chronic conditions of the skin, lungs, and other vital organs.
Continue reading “Marijuana Cures All Disease, Reports Unhealthiest Person You’ve Ever Met”
Statewide — With NORAD already tracking progress of Santa Claus across the south Pacific, Mainers are putting the finishing touches on welcoming the big man by leaving him a tall, cool glass of gorilla juice.
Continue reading “Mainers Prepare for Santa’s Arrival by Leaving Out Milk and Allen’s”
Statewide — Some bad news for Maine’s lumber industry as chainsaws from all major manufacturers aren’t adjusting to the winter weather.
Continue reading “Thousands of Chainsaws Across the State Recalled for Being Cold-Blooded Bastards”
Portland — Maine’s rock alternative issued a dire warning to listeners in its southern Maine market this morning.
Continue reading “‘Sublime Coming Up After the Break’ Warns 94.3 WCYY”
North Haven — After a series of events leading to financial hardship befell one couple, this small town came together to talk behind their backs about how it was probably their fault, anyway.
Belfast — Tensions between Belfast’s city council and the town’s mayor were made worse by a recent op-ed in the Republican Journal, leaving many in this small town uncertain as to which side they should avoid taking.
Continue reading “Belfast Municipal Government Woes Leave Residents Unsure Who to Root Against”
Old Town — Friends of Jerry Dennison, who died after an accident due to driving while intoxicated, gathered together to remember their lost friend.
Continue reading “Man Killed While Drunk Driving Died Doing What He Loved”
