Statewide — With NORAD already tracking progress of Santa Claus across the south Pacific, Mainers are putting the finishing touches on welcoming the big man by leaving him a tall, cool glass of gorilla juice.
Continue reading “Mainers Prepare for Santa’s Arrival by Leaving Out Milk and Allen’s”
Statewide — Some bad news for Maine’s lumber industry as chainsaws from all major manufacturers aren’t adjusting to the winter weather.
Continue reading “Thousands of Chainsaws Across the State Recalled for Being Cold-Blooded Bastards”
Portland — Maine’s rock alternative issued a dire warning to listeners in its southern Maine market this morning.
Continue reading “‘Sublime Coming Up After the Break’ Warns 94.3 WCYY”
North Haven — After a series of events leading to financial hardship befell one couple, this small town came together to talk behind their backs about how it was probably their fault, anyway.
Belfast — Tensions between Belfast’s city council and the town’s mayor were made worse by a recent op-ed in the Republican Journal, leaving many in this small town uncertain as to which side they should avoid taking.
Continue reading “Belfast Municipal Government Woes Leave Residents Unsure Who to Root Against”
Old Town — Friends of Jerry Dennison, who died after an accident due to driving while intoxicated, gathered together to remember their lost friend.
Continue reading “Man Killed While Drunk Driving Died Doing What He Loved”
Augusta — After a prolonged counting process, the nation’s first ranked-choice voting decision confirmed the new system is enormously fair and successful, report Maine’s Democrats.
Continue reading “Democrats Applaud Ranked Choice Voting’s Favorable Outcome”
Whitefield – An alarming report from town officials in Whitefield shows religious extremists are flocking to the area in record numbers.
Statewide — Election Day 2018 was one for the record books, with voter turnout at its highest point in recent history as voters turned out in a close race to vote for someone who wasn’t Shawn Moody.
Continue reading “Mainers Turn Out in Record Numbers to Vote Not for Shawn Moody”
Midcoast — Thanks to everyone for the amazing support and love in the brief time New Maine News has existed.
Unfortunately I no longer have the time to dedicate to New Maine News, so I’m putting the site on permanent hiatus. That’s a non-committal way of saying “it’s over” while still keeping the door open for an eventual reboot, one that will probably never happen.
Again, thank you all for making this something people talked about in and around the state of Maine. It’s been wild. Way crazier than I imagined it would ever be. Seriously.
I don’t plan to stop doing comedy, or Maine comedy, and I’m open for collaborations or writing really tone-deaf opinion columns for the Portland Press Herald, since that seems pretty popular.
You can follow me on Twitter or Instagram, or my check out my new job as tech and commerce editor at IGN.com, or follow me on Flickr. Or not. I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. You can still reach me at the contact link on this page, or directly at editor@newmainenews.com.
You’re all wonderful and I love you each individually. Please remember to cast your write-in vote for me this fall for Maine’s next, and best-ever, governor.
–Seth
