Embarrassed Angus King Can’t Turn Eyes Back From Dollar Signs After Meeting With Defense Contractors

Washington, D.C. — Maine Senator Angus King is currently undergoing observation by the Attending Physician of the United States Congress after his dollar-sign eyes failed to return to normal.

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Trump Voters in Rural Maine Express Regret About Agreeing to Be Interviewed for This Story

Millinocket — We asked people in this predominantly Trump-voting part of Maine if they regret letting us ask them questions to cherry-pick quotes for this story, and the answers might surprise you.

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Guy Flying Confederate Flag in Camden Probably Up for Reasonable Discussion

Camden — After passing through downtown Camden in a truck flying a confederate flag, onlookers agreed driver Kevin Look is probably misinformed and should be given an unsolicited history lesson at the first opportunity.

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